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Attend, dear reader, the tale of Kristen and Kyle, whose fates were first entwined by way of a mutual friend and a most lively tavern known as Downtown Social. There, amid cheer and sport, Kyle arrived fresh from a contest of soccer, while Kristen joined the company to bear witness to college football.

As the night waned, it was proposed — wisely or foolishly — that the two should share a carriage home, for both dwelled in fair New Jersey (Kyle in Hoboken, Kristen in Jersey City). After one final stop in Brooklyn, they consented, jesting that the journey would be “bearable” at best. Thus began their banter: Kyle spoke without cease, while Kristen, summoning great strength of spirit, endeavored not to fall ill as they crossed the Brooklyn Bridge. Kind words were exchanged, such as the noble compliment, “Thou art not the worst.”

Upon arriving at Kristen’s abode, she felt a sudden second wind and invited Kyle inside for a game of darts. He accepted — and lingered for four more hours, discoursing long past his customary bedtime. In his haste (or cunning), Kyle “accidentally” left behind his favorite hat, thereby securing cause to return.

The very next day, they convened again to watch the Giants play, at which time Kyle met Stevie and was struck by love at first sight. From that moment forth, they parted no more. And so it came to pass that they never ceased their keeping of one another’s company — and the rest, as all know, is history.